Funny web page design story needed

[MarsFossils]

I am giving a lunch and learn talk on how to "Create your own Web
Page" tomorrow and would like to mention a funny anecdote with an
inspiring moral about web page design. Does anybody have any stories
they might share with me that I could use?

Many thanks,

Michael
Mars Fossils, Pseudofossils and Problematica

http://aix1.uottawa.ca/~weinberg/mars

[William Tasso]

Re: Funny web page design story needed

MarsFossils wrote:
[color=blue]
> I am giving a lunch and learn talk on how to "Create your own Web
> Page" tomorrow and would like to mention a funny anecdote with an
> inspiring moral about web page design. Does anybody have any stories
> they might share with me that I could use?[/color]

Ever hear the one about the kid that thought Dreamweaver was a tool for
building web sites ..........

--
William Tasso - read 'em, else the puppy gets it:

http://www.aww-faq.org/

http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html

http://groups.google.com/groups?as_ugroup=alt.www.webmaster

[Viper]

Re: Funny web page design story needed

MarsFossils wrote:[color=blue]
> I am giving a lunch and learn talk on how to "Create your own Web
> Page" tomorrow and would like to mention a funny anecdote with an
> inspiring moral about web page design. Does anybody have any stories
> they might share with me that I could use?
>
> Many thanks,
>[/color]

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2384

[Loogie]

Re: Funny web page design story needed

not about web page design but funny as hell and every word is true...I swear

Where are my nuts?

This is one of those stories which may or may not be true. Either way, it's
very funny and could be a candidate for a Darwin award. Last weekend I spied
something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in
mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled.) I bought something really cool for
Betty.

The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not
familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal
prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage,
low amperage electricity while you flee to safety.

The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect
on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You
simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button,
and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching,
whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in
action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool! Long story short, I
bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need
no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular
model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do
love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and
pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to.
I did so.

Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee
.. . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain
to Betty what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was
home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all
that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my
recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently(trusti ng little soul), reading
the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I
thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better
of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all.

But, if I was going to give this thing to Betty to protect herself against a
mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I
wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time...So,
there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer
in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss
of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your
assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm
looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch
in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy
triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" --trust me, but
I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those
of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm
sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as
to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a
tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking
under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?).

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note:
You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so
obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so
right at the time. But somehow, never seeming to hear that faint voice in
the back of your head saying "you dumbass!"). I touched the prongs to my
naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY*********** **! DaaaauuuuuuMN!! ! I'm
pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up
out of that recliner, then body-slammed me on the carpet over and over
again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on
fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked
under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making
meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly
thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel
compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution.

There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're
not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't
dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)
SON-OF-A-***** that hurt!

A minute or so later(I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this
point), I collected my wits, what little I had left, sat up and surveyed the
landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How
did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom
lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm
offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome
if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back
--

hawktooie
Loogie out
"MarsFossil s" <marsfossils@ca nada.com> wrote in message
news:89fc81af.0 409221511.16ffb b82@posting.goo gle.com...[color=blue]
> I am giving a lunch and learn talk on how to "Create your own Web
> Page" tomorrow and would like to mention a funny anecdote with an
> inspiring moral about web page design. Does anybody have any stories
> they might share with me that I could use?
>
> Many thanks,
>
> Michael
> Mars Fossils, Pseudofossils and Problematica
> http://aix1.uottawa.ca/~weinberg/mars[/color]

[atec]

Re: Funny web page design story needed

there are some dumb sob in the world :_)

Loogie wrote:[color=blue]
>
>[color=green]
> >
> > Many thanks,
> >
> > Michael
> > Mars Fossils, Pseudofossils and Problematica
> > http://aix1.uottawa.ca/~weinberg/mars[/color][/color]

--
X-No-Archive: Yes

[Augustus]

Re: Funny web page design story needed


"MarsFossil s" <marsfossils@ca nada.com> wrote in message
news:89fc81af.0 409221511.16ffb b82@posting.goo gle.com...[color=blue]
> I am giving a lunch and learn talk on how to "Create your own Web
> Page" tomorrow and would like to mention a funny anecdote with an
> inspiring moral about web page design. Does anybody have any stories
> they might share with me that I could use?[/color]

Don't know if it would fit or not for what you are looking for...

I had a client about 2 years ago who did security and bodyguard work for the
movie industry and he wanted a flash site he with all the bells and whistles
that he could put on a CDRom to distribute to potential customers

The guy pretty much turned out to be the worst customer we had... changed
his mind about everything... made frequent change requests, etc... but in
general he acted like a real jerk to us

The project ran about 2 months over schedule and pretty much every 2 or 3
days the guy was griping about how long it was taking... we kept telling him
it was because of all the changes he wanted us to make, but he didn't listen
and just became more of a jerk every day

He'd paid some of the money upfront and when it was finally done we met up
with him and gave him the demo CD... told him to take a look and if he liked
it we'd finalize the project, give him the final bill and when its paid turn
over the finished CD...

So about a day later we heard back from the guy... he was finally happy...
we said "OK" and then sent him the bill

Then heard nothing... tried getting a hold of him... but nothing...

About 3 weeks later we went to his office to talk to him... he tried acting
acting tough about it all... said that he thought what he'd paid for upfront
was enough for the job since we took so long about it and that he wouldn't
pay for all the changes he'd requested...

That day I probably would have gone home feeling mad... or sad... or
something... but then he said to us "I already took your CD and burned about
500 copies of it and mailed them a few days ago to my customers"

It was funny... when I gave him the CD I told him it was just a temporary
demo, but I never told him that after a week it would be useless... instead
showing an ad for our company and not his website

In the end we took him to court and managed to get about 70% of what he owed
us... but it was ok, we also got 3 jobs out of the ad too.

[Toby Inkster]

Re: Funny web page design story needed

Loogie wrote:
[color=blue]
> I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on
> fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked
> under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making
> meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,[/color]

Do you now have amazing cat powers and an urge to dress in tight PVC?

--
Toby A Inkster BSc (Hons) ARCS
Contact Me ~ http://tobyinkster.co.uk/contact
Now Playing ~ ./lenny_kravitz/american_woman. ogg

[Jan Roland Eriksson]

OT: about Warner Brothers. Was:Re: Funny web page design story needed

On Sat, 25 Sep 2004 10:21:13 +0100, Toby Inkster
<usenet200409@t obyinkster.co.u k> wrote:

[this post is OT]
[color=blue]
>Loogie wrote:[color=green]
>> I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position...
>> ...Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had
>> never heard before, licking my face,[/color][/color]
[color=blue]
>Do you now have amazing cat powers and an urge to dress in tight PVC?[/color]

I take it you are referring to the Batman movie starring Michelle
Pfeiffer as Catwoman :-)

As a fact her dress was made of latex that was made glossy by the use of
a special silicon based polishing substance.

There was this English guy (Paul? / David?) Barret Brown who designed
and manufactured that dress for Warner Brothers and all in all some 28
dresses was consumed during the shoot.

Michelle had a stand in for the most vivid moves in the movie of course.
She has also said in an interview that she just loved to play the role
of Catwoman and that just this role had been a fantasy of hers since she
was a little kid.

Any guy and doll who would like to dress up as Batman and Catwoman for
the upcoming Halloween party can have their own dresses made like the
originals by some good dressmaker but there is a catch; Warner Brothers
has copyright on these designs and the way to get a dress legally
manufactured is to buy the pattern for it first.

IMMIC the pattern for a Batman and/or a Catwoman dress comes with a
written permission to manufacture one dress for personal, non
commercial, use.

Due to some obscure moral reason a genuine legal pattern for a Catwoman
dress may not be so easy to find these days, Warner Brothers got cold
feet when they realized what impact Michelle and her dress had made in
certain circles :-)

(end OT stuff, and now I'll shut up :-)

--
Rex

[Toby Inkster]

Re: OT: about Warner Brothers. Was:Re: Funny web page design story needed

Jan Roland Eriksson wrote:[color=blue]
> Toby Inkster wrote:
>
> [this post is OT][/color]

Only in some of the x-posted groups. F'ups to a.w.w.
[color=blue][color=green]
>> Loogie wrote:
>>[color=darkred]
>>> I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position...
>>> ...Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had
>>> never heard before, licking my face,[/color]
>>
>> Do you now have amazing cat powers and an urge to dress in tight PVC?[/color]
>
> I take it you are referring to the Batman movie starring Michelle
> Pfeiffer as Catwoman :-)[/color]

Precisely.
[color=blue]
> As a fact her dress was made of latex that was made glossy by the use of
> a special silicon based polishing substance.[/color]

PVC, latex... I have some nylon cooking utensils too. I get very confused
by it all. PVC is supposed to be for records, nylon for clothes and LaTeX
for typesetting.

--
Toby A Inkster BSc (Hons) ARCS
Contact Me ~ http://tobyinkster.co.uk/contact