Well if you don't have any PHP knowledge it would just be better to use a link tracking service like this:
http://www.clixtrac.com

I haven't used that, but it looks like you can sign up for free and set up a link to be tracked. What I assume you will do is enter your link, maybe choose some settings, it will give you a new link (which will go through their server, and use PHP to track the user and send them to your link). This...

Not sure of an actual method, and it probably isn't possible because they don't go through any servers. But you can track a URL by sending it to a special PHP file on your webserver that has code to log a visitor's information and redirect it to the URL you wanted. This wouldn't work for a vCard though because you wouldn't be able to redirect to a vCard.